I realize, around the world, that religion is a very touchy subject. I am not here to say someone elses religion is wrong, simply because I am unsure of what I really believe in. I have so many beliefs that don't EVER fit into one religion. I do consider myself a very spiritual person and I believe that my personality, morals and beliefs have great value to many.
This last year I have found myself not only intreged by other religions, but by other concepts. One of which is the book, "the Secret". It is such a basic concept but has worked for me, only because sometimes I have very little drive. My past has only made me more and more driven to find a way to find happiness and success. Also to do this without having to go to a doctor or to sit in my own sadness."The Secret" basically teaches you to be positive in life and to have no limitations. Really, if you think about it, who wants limitations in life?
I just really really believe that we are not here to judge other beliefs or religions. If you think about it, if we judged people by their beliefs, then you basically would hate everyone that you meet!
I find that when we all try to abide by one specific belief, we get lost in a life that is not us! I would hope that someone wouldnt believe EVERYTHING in one religion. If you do, then I am obviously naive!! But seriously who are we if we only believe what we are TOLD to believe. I am ME because I disagree with some of the beliefs in my religion. Ill go as far as saying that I dont believe a lot of my religion... mostly because I am sooooooo intreged by other religions. I believe in people, and trying to understand them.
Who knows. I am not here to offend. Just to question life in general. I would rather life as me, then in a life where I am forced to believe what others believe!
:)
Monday, October 29, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
It makes sense
Today I write on my blog and wonder who I was a year and a half ago. Those posts were so negative and it reminds me of the pain I was in .
I think of the days where I could not get out of bed. It's so very hurtful to think of that time in my life. I look at the pictures of me and I cannot see myself in my eyes. Its actually scary to think of what I was thinking. In fact so scary that I have no idea what to write right now about it. I am embarrassed that I let my health become an issue. I am embarrassed that I EVER let myself hurt in a way where I actually felt like I had no good ending.
What happened to me during those days? I remember lying on my floor and crying for hours. I remember lying in bed and visualizing what death would be like, sometimes for a whole night. I believed only in the words that I preached about equality and about how horrible life can be.
Sometimes, I take myself back, like tonight. I think of my end decision. It was someone from a different culture who once asked me if I had gotten in a fight with my parents. I remember responding no, thinking what the heck. He had talked about how in his culture, family was number one. I actually sat down one day and thought, Im sick of feeling sick. I need to go home. I need to regain my hope and relationship with myself. That is what family is for. They lift you up when you have nothing. My final decision, changed my life!
I am sooo soooo sooooooo very proud of myself. I am unbelievably happy.
Many think that I shouldn't have gone back to Tyler. The thing is. I said bad things about him... because I was hurting. Him and I have been back together for about a year. We plan on getting engaged this year. Its soo weird how things just work out.
Anyways,,,, Ill write more when I am not tired. it is 1 am and I need to sleep.... But I am doing great and I am very happy!
Krysta
I think of the days where I could not get out of bed. It's so very hurtful to think of that time in my life. I look at the pictures of me and I cannot see myself in my eyes. Its actually scary to think of what I was thinking. In fact so scary that I have no idea what to write right now about it. I am embarrassed that I let my health become an issue. I am embarrassed that I EVER let myself hurt in a way where I actually felt like I had no good ending.
What happened to me during those days? I remember lying on my floor and crying for hours. I remember lying in bed and visualizing what death would be like, sometimes for a whole night. I believed only in the words that I preached about equality and about how horrible life can be.
Sometimes, I take myself back, like tonight. I think of my end decision. It was someone from a different culture who once asked me if I had gotten in a fight with my parents. I remember responding no, thinking what the heck. He had talked about how in his culture, family was number one. I actually sat down one day and thought, Im sick of feeling sick. I need to go home. I need to regain my hope and relationship with myself. That is what family is for. They lift you up when you have nothing. My final decision, changed my life!
I am sooo soooo sooooooo very proud of myself. I am unbelievably happy.
Many think that I shouldn't have gone back to Tyler. The thing is. I said bad things about him... because I was hurting. Him and I have been back together for about a year. We plan on getting engaged this year. Its soo weird how things just work out.
Anyways,,,, Ill write more when I am not tired. it is 1 am and I need to sleep.... But I am doing great and I am very happy!
Krysta
Monday, April 03, 2006
April 3rd
Many curse the fact of getting up early in the morning. Why curse such a time when you can really see how our world works. As I awoke this morning, I realized a few things. I woke up, no one to greet in the morning except a few pictures staring back at me. It was quiet and peaceful, nevermind the sun still had not come up.
I had my shower, got into uniform and started off my day with an apple in one hand and my bag in the other.
As I started off my walk to the city bus, I turned on my music. Listening to calming yet exhilarating sounds woke me up and started my day off well.
As I walked I noticed that at this early in the morning, I was one of the few that were out. Thinking about life and decisions, this walk was great for me. Many would say that I sound corny by saying this, but I feel that these moments are what helps me in life.
As I waited at the bus stop, I thought about this past year and the bad and good decisions that I have made. I feel that I should look at the good decisions that I have made and learn from my mistakes. I should stop beating myself up about things that I cannot change. I love soo much but hurt way too much as well.
I think that a life without love, is no life at all. I should be thankful that I have a heart that could concure any other in any battle. I should see that I have and will do so much in a world that needs me. As the warmth of the spring breeze hits me, I automatically feel good about myself.
A little while later, people are starting to awake for work. One by one, I see the lights in the buildings turn on. Cars are now llining up at the traffic lights for a green signal to head off on their adventures for the day. On a random thought, I realize that I am not alone in this world. I realize that in almost every case, in every problem, there are MANY who have it worse. I have been blessed to have a life in freedom and with a family that would die for me,
A friend once told me that I have a personality that could light up the world. For so long I didn't believe this, but today I did. I got onto the city bus and greeted the bus driver with a good morning smile. Although he seemed tired and grouchy, he smiled back. I started a conversation with a man who gets up this early EVERYDAY. We talked about how he has been supporting his family for years. We swapped advice and I went about my day by transferring buses.
As the sun came up I felt a smile, and I was so enlightened to have such a beautiful day come about me. Not just in the sense of the weather but in the thoughts and realizations of the travel to work.
Work was stressful, but I did have good day. A tiring one at that, but a good day.
Life is good. I am blessed for life I have and the people in my life. I am blessed to be alive today. I couldn’t ask for anything more…. Because not everyone has a life like mine…. And many may have better lives, but I am betting they don’t appreciate it like I do.
I had my shower, got into uniform and started off my day with an apple in one hand and my bag in the other.
As I started off my walk to the city bus, I turned on my music. Listening to calming yet exhilarating sounds woke me up and started my day off well.
As I walked I noticed that at this early in the morning, I was one of the few that were out. Thinking about life and decisions, this walk was great for me. Many would say that I sound corny by saying this, but I feel that these moments are what helps me in life.
As I waited at the bus stop, I thought about this past year and the bad and good decisions that I have made. I feel that I should look at the good decisions that I have made and learn from my mistakes. I should stop beating myself up about things that I cannot change. I love soo much but hurt way too much as well.
I think that a life without love, is no life at all. I should be thankful that I have a heart that could concure any other in any battle. I should see that I have and will do so much in a world that needs me. As the warmth of the spring breeze hits me, I automatically feel good about myself.
A little while later, people are starting to awake for work. One by one, I see the lights in the buildings turn on. Cars are now llining up at the traffic lights for a green signal to head off on their adventures for the day. On a random thought, I realize that I am not alone in this world. I realize that in almost every case, in every problem, there are MANY who have it worse. I have been blessed to have a life in freedom and with a family that would die for me,
A friend once told me that I have a personality that could light up the world. For so long I didn't believe this, but today I did. I got onto the city bus and greeted the bus driver with a good morning smile. Although he seemed tired and grouchy, he smiled back. I started a conversation with a man who gets up this early EVERYDAY. We talked about how he has been supporting his family for years. We swapped advice and I went about my day by transferring buses.
As the sun came up I felt a smile, and I was so enlightened to have such a beautiful day come about me. Not just in the sense of the weather but in the thoughts and realizations of the travel to work.
Work was stressful, but I did have good day. A tiring one at that, but a good day.
Life is good. I am blessed for life I have and the people in my life. I am blessed to be alive today. I couldn’t ask for anything more…. Because not everyone has a life like mine…. And many may have better lives, but I am betting they don’t appreciate it like I do.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Realising what I am missing
Well today is Saturday. I was suppose to work but my friend took over my shift for me as I have a lot I have to think about today.
In this long while I have realised many things. I think i sort of know who I am and why I am here... and what relationships are.... and what i need to do to fullfill my life.
The things I do know.
1/4 of my heart belongs to Tyler. Over the last year I have been trying to get back together with him.. we did get back together but it has recently ended. Tyler doesnt feel teh same towards me as I do him. I have been pushing mysefl to believe that Tyler is my life. But he isnt.. he is 1/4 of my life.... for teh last 5 years he WAS my life. He deserves very much and I hope someone can make him happy.
Tyler is a great friend. BUT I have realised I grew up to quickly.... I have always said I want to travel... well why dont I? because I have been weighed down with responsibilities. What I am thinking now is.... why do I put these responsibilities on me. I dont have a boyfriend... I can finish school later... I want to Travel... and I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THAT... so why am I pulling myself back. I deserve to do teh things taht make me happy. and this one.
Friends... ohhh wow.... ohh dear..... have I realised what friends can do to you. those friends that put me in teh middle... those friends who blame me... I dropped.... I finished the friendship...... with LONG letters explain how THINGS WERE good... and now.. they arent.So I have dropped the unneeded frustration.
As for myself. I have learned.... I am not a bad person... actually I even think I put smiles on people's faces a couple times a day..... a friend said to me..... Krysta you smile, you have an upbeat personality and you don't let your feelings in the way of how you treat people. not many people can make a stranger's day, but you can.............. and taht made me feel soooo good..... knowing that I can impact soemone. and thats what I am here for..... to help other people realise that life is good... we just need to step out of the anger for a bit to realise it.
I guess I see myself as a lesson... to teh friendships I ended.... to the friendship that Ty and I ended... I was a lesson... What was needed came and went. my time is done with them..... and tehy will treat others better and realise that life isnt about being "fair" its about giving.... instead of taking...
so today I am Ok... I am smilin.... singin.... and will have a good day.... each day is different.
Krysta
sorry it took so long
In this long while I have realised many things. I think i sort of know who I am and why I am here... and what relationships are.... and what i need to do to fullfill my life.
The things I do know.
1/4 of my heart belongs to Tyler. Over the last year I have been trying to get back together with him.. we did get back together but it has recently ended. Tyler doesnt feel teh same towards me as I do him. I have been pushing mysefl to believe that Tyler is my life. But he isnt.. he is 1/4 of my life.... for teh last 5 years he WAS my life. He deserves very much and I hope someone can make him happy.
Tyler is a great friend. BUT I have realised I grew up to quickly.... I have always said I want to travel... well why dont I? because I have been weighed down with responsibilities. What I am thinking now is.... why do I put these responsibilities on me. I dont have a boyfriend... I can finish school later... I want to Travel... and I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THAT... so why am I pulling myself back. I deserve to do teh things taht make me happy. and this one.
Friends... ohhh wow.... ohh dear..... have I realised what friends can do to you. those friends that put me in teh middle... those friends who blame me... I dropped.... I finished the friendship...... with LONG letters explain how THINGS WERE good... and now.. they arent.So I have dropped the unneeded frustration.
As for myself. I have learned.... I am not a bad person... actually I even think I put smiles on people's faces a couple times a day..... a friend said to me..... Krysta you smile, you have an upbeat personality and you don't let your feelings in the way of how you treat people. not many people can make a stranger's day, but you can.............. and taht made me feel soooo good..... knowing that I can impact soemone. and thats what I am here for..... to help other people realise that life is good... we just need to step out of the anger for a bit to realise it.
I guess I see myself as a lesson... to teh friendships I ended.... to the friendship that Ty and I ended... I was a lesson... What was needed came and went. my time is done with them..... and tehy will treat others better and realise that life isnt about being "fair" its about giving.... instead of taking...
so today I am Ok... I am smilin.... singin.... and will have a good day.... each day is different.
Krysta
sorry it took so long
Thursday, March 02, 2006
A realisation
Wow, i cant believe it has been this long since blogging..... I do have a lot to write... I have learned soo much and I cant even believe how much of a fool I have become.... I will write this weekend
Krysta
Krysta
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Well, life sucks
life sucks and we all know it.... I am drinking right now... so bare with my language skills...
I am beyond overwhelmd right now... ups and downs... ups and downs.... major ups and majr downs.... being pushed, pulled and broken down.... not sure what I am doing or if I am doing it right....
But myself in places that no one wants to be.... being MY fault and only MY fault.... I dont put any blame on anyone...
Decisions kill me... trying to figure out sooo much this year... one being if I am good enough... I try soo hard to make ppl happy...and I truely finding it soo hard
Life really really sucks rightnow..... soo much shit is going on.. I dont even have teh energy to write about it anymore
Krysta
I am beyond overwhelmd right now... ups and downs... ups and downs.... major ups and majr downs.... being pushed, pulled and broken down.... not sure what I am doing or if I am doing it right....
But myself in places that no one wants to be.... being MY fault and only MY fault.... I dont put any blame on anyone...
Decisions kill me... trying to figure out sooo much this year... one being if I am good enough... I try soo hard to make ppl happy...and I truely finding it soo hard
Life really really sucks rightnow..... soo much shit is going on.. I dont even have teh energy to write about it anymore
Krysta
Thursday, November 17, 2005
I expect more
I expect more of you, you are my friend. To judge me is your job. If I am becoming something I am not, it is your job to show me who I once was. It is my job to show you that you are special. It is my job to let you know what I know. What I think is wrong and right. If i know you are being hurt, you just don;t know it, I will tell you. If you are being treated unfairly it is my job to tell you, let you persue it, and if taht doesnt work, i will stick up for you. It is my job to share my heart with you, as i need someone to share my heart when I have left this place.
If you are in Love with me. It is your job to let me know when you look into my eyes and see hope. It is your job to carry my burdens when you have a free shoulder. If I am in Love with you, I will look into your eyes and you will see beauty within my eyes. If I am in Love with you... you will never feel like you have no one.. because I will show you the best things about yourslef... I will carry any burdens... i will... I WILL show you what love is..
If you are in Love with me. It is your job to let me know when you look into my eyes and see hope. It is your job to carry my burdens when you have a free shoulder. If I am in Love with you, I will look into your eyes and you will see beauty within my eyes. If I am in Love with you... you will never feel like you have no one.. because I will show you the best things about yourslef... I will carry any burdens... i will... I WILL show you what love is..
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