April 3rd

Many curse the fact of getting up early in the morning. Why curse such a time when you can really see how our world works. As I awoke this morning, I realized a few things. I woke up, no one to greet in the morning except a few pictures staring back at me. It was quiet and peaceful, nevermind the sun still had not come up.

I had my shower, got into uniform and started off my day with an apple in one hand and my bag in the other.


As I started off my walk to the city bus, I turned on my music. Listening to calming yet exhilarating sounds woke me up and started my day off well.
As I walked I noticed that at this early in the morning, I was one of the few that were out. Thinking about life and decisions, this walk was great for me. Many would say that I sound corny by saying this, but I feel that these moments are what helps me in life.

As I waited at the bus stop, I thought about this past year and the bad and good decisions that I have made. I feel that I should look at the good decisions that I have made and learn from my mistakes. I should stop beating myself up about things that I cannot change. I love soo much but hurt way too much as well.

I think that a life without love, is no life at all. I should be thankful that I have a heart that could concure any other in any battle. I should see that I have and will do so much in a world that needs me. As the warmth of the spring breeze hits me, I automatically feel good about myself.

A little while later, people are starting to awake for work. One by one, I see the lights in the buildings turn on. Cars are now llining up at the traffic lights for a green signal to head off on their adventures for the day. On a random thought, I realize that I am not alone in this world. I realize that in almost every case, in every problem, there are MANY who have it worse. I have been blessed to have a life in freedom and with a family that would die for me,

A friend once told me that I have a personality that could light up the world. For so long I didn't believe this, but today I did. I got onto the city bus and greeted the bus driver with a good morning smile. Although he seemed tired and grouchy, he smiled back. I started a conversation with a man who gets up this early EVERYDAY. We talked about how he has been supporting his family for years. We swapped advice and I went about my day by transferring buses.

As the sun came up I felt a smile, and I was so enlightened to have such a beautiful day come about me. Not just in the sense of the weather but in the thoughts and realizations of the travel to work.

Work was stressful, but I did have good day. A tiring one at that, but a good day.
Life is good. I am blessed for life I have and the people in my life. I am blessed to be alive today. I couldn’t ask for anything more…. Because not everyone has a life like mine…. And many may have better lives, but I am betting they don’t appreciate it like I do.

Realising what I am missing

Well today is Saturday. I was suppose to work but my friend took over my shift for me as I have a lot I have to think about today.

In this long while I have realised many things. I think i sort of know who I am and why I am here... and what relationships are.... and what i need to do to fullfill my life.

The things I do know.

1/4 of my heart belongs to Tyler. Over the last year I have been trying to get back together with him.. we did get back together but it has recently ended. Tyler doesnt feel teh same towards me as I do him. I have been pushing mysefl to believe that Tyler is my life. But he isnt.. he is 1/4 of my life.... for teh last 5 years he WAS my life. He deserves very much and I hope someone can make him happy.

Tyler is a great friend. BUT I have realised I grew up to quickly.... I have always said I want to travel... well why dont I? because I have been weighed down with responsibilities. What I am thinking now is.... why do I put these responsibilities on me. I dont have a boyfriend... I can finish school later... I want to Travel... and I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THAT... so why am I pulling myself back. I deserve to do teh things taht make me happy. and this one.

Friends... ohhh wow.... ohh dear..... have I realised what friends can do to you. those friends that put me in teh middle... those friends who blame me... I dropped.... I finished the friendship...... with LONG letters explain how THINGS WERE good... and now.. they arent.So I have dropped the unneeded frustration.

As for myself. I have learned.... I am not a bad person... actually I even think I put smiles on people's faces a couple times a day..... a friend said to me..... Krysta you smile, you have an upbeat personality and you don't let your feelings in the way of how you treat people. not many people can make a stranger's day, but you can.............. and taht made me feel soooo good..... knowing that I can impact soemone. and thats what I am here for..... to help other people realise that life is good... we just need to step out of the anger for a bit to realise it.

I guess I see myself as a lesson... to teh friendships I ended.... to the friendship that Ty and I ended... I was a lesson... What was needed came and went. my time is done with them..... and tehy will treat others better and realise that life isnt about being "fair" its about giving.... instead of taking...


so today I am Ok... I am smilin.... singin.... and will have a good day.... each day is different.

Krysta

sorry it took so long

A realisation

Wow, i cant believe it has been this long since blogging..... I do have a lot to write... I have learned soo much and I cant even believe how much of a fool I have become.... I will write this weekend

Krysta