As I look in the mirror. I see this person. She has long hair. brown eyes. a smile. Do I look good today? DO I look pretty? Will I make a difference today.?
probably not.
You know when you see someone walking down the street skipping, laughing, smiling, an adult flying down a childs slide? those are the moments in most of our lives that we cherish, Watching someone who is happy. This gives us hope for our future. It gives us something to look forward to.
When someone says I am pretty, or they say I have a beautiful smile. I just wish I could say...
Do you know what is behind this smile.?
If I were to show you a video of my life right now... it would show a smiling Krysta... standing tall... head held high... in a white room. Id be wearing colourful colours... maybe an orange shirt. My hair down... happy... you see something in her eyes... something sooo mysterious... she is quiet. she doesnt voice her love for teh sky... for teh earth.. her passions.
And then you move closer ... you look at her eyes.... you move closer... and her real life flys before you... you see life through her eyes...... you are now in Krysta's shoes.... the room is black..... your hair is tied back.... you are crying.... you want to scream but your mouth is tied shut.... the anger is building up.... you cant stop crying... you cant stop wondering where everyone went.....your eyes dull... you are tired... you havent slept in days... you dont want to look in the mirror... you dont see you..... you dont see teh person you once were....
you close your eyes... you open them... you are in a hallway.... a million people walking around you .... you are still.... you are still in your life... making nothing of yourself.. these people arent walking into you.... they arent talking to you.. yelling at you... or even glancing at you... tehy really dont care why you are there..... you are in and out of their lives in seconds.... in a moment you are nothing to them..... You mean nothing to them.... you want someone to stop and scream at you... yell at you... you want someone to ask you what the hell you are doing.... but of course they wont... your smile makes them believe you are ok... your bright colours... your upkeep makes them believe you are just as happy as the rest of them.... no one will ever see beyond your eyes..... they will never see into your life of hell.... your life that you dont want to live.... into your darkness......
