To anonymous comment RE:desperatly trying to find a place

Soo I know this is one of my friends... as they know Taylor as well.. I just wanted to let you know something.... that I am working on..

Lately I realise that my heart... my life.. and my thoughts are very different from many that I know... I think I have more soul tehn a lot of people out there... and you know what... I am starting to realise that I am special because of that... Its just HARD to get by this blah stage... sometimes I feel like I need help... sometimes... I dont trust myself... as I feel absolutely low...
This is not only scary for my friends and family .. but scary for me aswell.. as I dont WANT to believe that I am nothing... its those down days where I feel like I cannot do anything.. and it is a feeeling taht I cannot explain... where I am scared of the thoughts that go through my head.... sometimes I feel like im crazy.. but tehn I realise that every person is... every person has some sort of problem... and I need to get by it... Sometimes.. I feel as though I have been dealt too much... I know that is very selfish to say... but I mean... what can i say.. i have lost sooooooo many ppl in my life... and above all Taylor the one who taught me what I am suppose to enjoy in life.... You dont understand though... you think that i am TOO negative about Taylor... but at the same time... I am not.. I just dont write the positives... Sonce taylor died... I have opened myself upSOOOOOOOO much.. since Taylor died... I have given a few GOOD friends this blogspot address... soo that you DOO know my life.. as I have lost touch with my TRUE friends... It is really embarrassing to give my mind out to ppl... but it helps.. knowing that my friends UNDERSTAND ME... I have opened myself up to cultures and learning about cultures.. trying different foods... different music... I have been more open for GIVING my heart to someone... as I had lost that over the last few years.... I have realised that i cannnnnnot keep my feelings balled up as I DONT want to end up like taylor...


Taylor was such a beautiful person.... his heart was pure..... and what you need to understand,,, is I knew him from teh time I was FOUR... and letting goo... of a life.. that I thought i knew is just beyond hard... growing up thinking life is beautiful and that everything WILL TURN OUT... and then a friend... kills himself... makes you second guess what is offered in this world... I still cannot visit his grave... i cannot let go... and i ammm TRYING SOOOO hard... I mean I look for signs that taylor is here... with me.. and he is not giving me that... ..

I am gaining respect for myself.. as I know my life is worth it to people... and I know I mean something... and I know.. I was put here on this earth to give my heart... as I am sure it is big enough to share... that is what I am realising.... that is what makes me different from everyone else.... I was put here... to give insight... love... and a view on life that most NEED to understand.... k.. i need to stop writing.. Ill write more in a bit