Well today is Saturday. I was suppose to work but my friend took over my shift for me as I have a lot I have to think about today.
In this long while I have realised many things. I think i sort of know who I am and why I am here... and what relationships are.... and what i need to do to fullfill my life.
The things I do know.
1/4 of my heart belongs to Tyler. Over the last year I have been trying to get back together with him.. we did get back together but it has recently ended. Tyler doesnt feel teh same towards me as I do him. I have been pushing mysefl to believe that Tyler is my life. But he isnt.. he is 1/4 of my life.... for teh last 5 years he WAS my life. He deserves very much and I hope someone can make him happy.
Tyler is a great friend. BUT I have realised I grew up to quickly.... I have always said I want to travel... well why dont I? because I have been weighed down with responsibilities. What I am thinking now is.... why do I put these responsibilities on me. I dont have a boyfriend... I can finish school later... I want to Travel... and I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THAT... so why am I pulling myself back. I deserve to do teh things taht make me happy. and this one.
Friends... ohhh wow.... ohh dear..... have I realised what friends can do to you. those friends that put me in teh middle... those friends who blame me... I dropped.... I finished the friendship...... with LONG letters explain how THINGS WERE good... and now.. they arent.So I have dropped the unneeded frustration.
As for myself. I have learned.... I am not a bad person... actually I even think I put smiles on people's faces a couple times a day..... a friend said to me..... Krysta you smile, you have an upbeat personality and you don't let your feelings in the way of how you treat people. not many people can make a stranger's day, but you can.............. and taht made me feel soooo good..... knowing that I can impact soemone. and thats what I am here for..... to help other people realise that life is good... we just need to step out of the anger for a bit to realise it.
I guess I see myself as a lesson... to teh friendships I ended.... to the friendship that Ty and I ended... I was a lesson... What was needed came and went. my time is done with them..... and tehy will treat others better and realise that life isnt about being "fair" its about giving.... instead of taking...
so today I am Ok... I am smilin.... singin.... and will have a good day.... each day is different.
Krysta
sorry it took so long
Saturday, March 04, 2006
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