Letting your true self show is the ONLY way

When I see my life as a whole. I seem to get overwhelmed and just don't understand what I am doing wrong. This is why I am always so upset, because I dont understand the concept of being "together" and being allowed to grow. I am only 20 this year, and I have a great deal to do and live. I have endured a lot in my life. I have lost many whom I love and cherish.Trying to let go of teh faces that helped me through and befriended me, is extremely hard. Having friends who can be there for me is great. I am so extremely blessed to have great friends who love and treat me with respect. I know that in my life I have many who love me, I just need to open my eyes sometimes. This world is very scary and I just want to live every moment to its best. I want to love people and never let go, I want to sit and actually enjoy a crisp day, a beautiful sunset, a morning rainfall. The things in life that are important are what I take forgranted. If i dwell on friends that have passed, how am I suppose to show my friends who are here and love me, that I indead do love them as well. My family is beautiful, and they deserve a sister and daughter who will be happy and who will love them as much as they love me.

It was not until this past friday that I had let my parents know that I am not doing well. I wrote my mom an email and told her that I have a lot of anxiety. I came home for the weekend and we are discussing what I do need in my life right now. I cannot go on being unhappy. I cannot go on living in the past and from thsi point on, I will be on my way to a better place.

A friend told me yesterday taht I am making myself weak by telling people my faults and letting my feelings finally show. I responded by telling him that if I dont show these weaknesses, that I will forever long a life that I dont have. In order for me to become strong, I need to bare my life to the world and let it be known that my heart aches, that I am not ok. If I were to keep my life a secret any longer I would be unhappy, and I KNOW that I would end up like Taylor. I KNOW that Taylor wants me to be happy, I know he is upset watching me. A friend told me last week that Taylor did not kill himself to see you unhappy, this should be a lesson. He did the wrong thing, he let his life eat him away. And if Taylor did anything by dying, he has shown me that if you keep everything in your heart, your heart will grow to big, and your sorrow even bigger, the end result being death.The end result s hurting everyone around you. Taylor I love you. But I need to move on. I know that I need to move on. I need to love and take love, to grow and to understand.It is time for me to grow as me, into a woman, so that I may give others strength in their lives. I knwo what my place is, I just need to prosper in this life.

Love is such a strong word, people say. Yet I can tell everyone in this world that my heart longs for a greatness that cannot be described. I do LOVE beyond all belief, some people just cannot concieve this. I think my advice to any one person is..... Love like you have never loved before. The people around you deserve to be loved, their lives deserve to be filled with this beautiful peace. I can decribe my love, as anything... as a moment in a childs face, a sunset, a bird lifting off, as a person's smile or eyes. Every moment should be filled with love. EVerything we do, should be done with passion, with love. This is the only way we can live our lives to the fullest. This is the only way that our world can prosper TOGETHER. This is the only way we can die knowing we have given all that we can, that we have lived every moment through.

they say that a picture can say a thousand things.... well instead of taking a picture, use every moment at its best.. so that we may say a thousand words about each moment.

feel warmth, touch,smell, see, feel, hear everything.... maybe we can learn something from the earth and people around us... as we all need to learn a thing or two about the world and people around us... you never know what will happen next..

I love you all...
Krysta