Soo I know this is one of my friends... as they know Taylor as well.. I just wanted to let you know something.... that I am working on..
Lately I realise that my heart... my life.. and my thoughts are very different from many that I know... I think I have more soul tehn a lot of people out there... and you know what... I am starting to realise that I am special because of that... Its just HARD to get by this blah stage... sometimes I feel like I need help... sometimes... I dont trust myself... as I feel absolutely low...
This is not only scary for my friends and family .. but scary for me aswell.. as I dont WANT to believe that I am nothing... its those down days where I feel like I cannot do anything.. and it is a feeeling taht I cannot explain... where I am scared of the thoughts that go through my head.... sometimes I feel like im crazy.. but tehn I realise that every person is... every person has some sort of problem... and I need to get by it... Sometimes.. I feel as though I have been dealt too much... I know that is very selfish to say... but I mean... what can i say.. i have lost sooooooo many ppl in my life... and above all Taylor the one who taught me what I am suppose to enjoy in life.... You dont understand though... you think that i am TOO negative about Taylor... but at the same time... I am not.. I just dont write the positives... Sonce taylor died... I have opened myself upSOOOOOOOO much.. since Taylor died... I have given a few GOOD friends this blogspot address... soo that you DOO know my life.. as I have lost touch with my TRUE friends... It is really embarrassing to give my mind out to ppl... but it helps.. knowing that my friends UNDERSTAND ME... I have opened myself up to cultures and learning about cultures.. trying different foods... different music... I have been more open for GIVING my heart to someone... as I had lost that over the last few years.... I have realised that i cannnnnnot keep my feelings balled up as I DONT want to end up like taylor...
Taylor was such a beautiful person.... his heart was pure..... and what you need to understand,,, is I knew him from teh time I was FOUR... and letting goo... of a life.. that I thought i knew is just beyond hard... growing up thinking life is beautiful and that everything WILL TURN OUT... and then a friend... kills himself... makes you second guess what is offered in this world... I still cannot visit his grave... i cannot let go... and i ammm TRYING SOOOO hard... I mean I look for signs that taylor is here... with me.. and he is not giving me that... ..
I am gaining respect for myself.. as I know my life is worth it to people... and I know I mean something... and I know.. I was put here on this earth to give my heart... as I am sure it is big enough to share... that is what I am realising.... that is what makes me different from everyone else.... I was put here... to give insight... love... and a view on life that most NEED to understand.... k.. i need to stop writing.. Ill write more in a bit
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I stumbled upon your journal by accident as I was searching through my own.
You didn't give me this address but I am happy that I did find it because it has opened up my mind and broadened my thoughts. I write the same type of things you do and have the same kind of thoughts you do and to see someone I know and care about say the same words I do sort of scares you and makes you think twice about saying them again yourself.
Your never alone in any of these feelings. I to feel the same way you do. Not as often but I did once feel them what seemed to be 24/7.
It's not selfish to think that the world has dealt you to much. Maybe you have been dealt with all of this just to test your strength and will.
In the end I guarentee this will all make you a stronger woman. It will help you mature and make you become a better person.
Taylor's death impact alot of people.It's natural to feel anger towards someone who took their own life. You sit and ask yourself how they could have done that to you and the people that loved them. You ask yourself why would they be so selfish.
But by the sounds of it you to now know what Taylor was struggling with.
Be the stronger person. Learn from Taylors mistake and then live your life to the fullest,enjoying everyday that you wake and live for him and in his honor.
Don't ever be afraid to ask for help.
Sometimes talking to someone outside of your life, outside of your lifes situations is what you need. Sometimes talking to someone who is going through the same situations helps to.
Take care.Your a beautiful,amazing woman and you have so much to offer to people. Don't ever forget that.
Post a Comment