It makes sense

Today I write on my blog and wonder who I was a year and a half ago. Those posts were so negative and it reminds me of the pain I was in .

I think of the days where I could not get out of bed. It's so very hurtful to think of that time in my life. I look at the pictures of me and I cannot see myself in my eyes. Its actually scary to think of what I was thinking. In fact so scary that I have no idea what to write right now about it. I am embarrassed that I let my health become an issue. I am embarrassed that I EVER let myself hurt in a way where I actually felt like I had no good ending.

What happened to me during those days? I remember lying on my floor and crying for hours. I remember lying in bed and visualizing what death would be like, sometimes for a whole night. I believed only in the words that I preached about equality and about how horrible life can be.

Sometimes, I take myself back, like tonight. I think of my end decision. It was someone from a different culture who once asked me if I had gotten in a fight with my parents. I remember responding no, thinking what the heck. He had talked about how in his culture, family was number one. I actually sat down one day and thought, Im sick of feeling sick. I need to go home. I need to regain my hope and relationship with myself. That is what family is for. They lift you up when you have nothing. My final decision, changed my life!

I am sooo soooo sooooooo very proud of myself. I am unbelievably happy.

Many think that I shouldn't have gone back to Tyler. The thing is. I said bad things about him... because I was hurting. Him and I have been back together for about a year. We plan on getting engaged this year. Its soo weird how things just work out.

Anyways,,,, Ill write more when I am not tired. it is 1 am and I need to sleep.... But I am doing great and I am very happy!

Krysta