well, its another night.... where I feel as though I could cry through the pain I am feeling. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I really dont think I have a place in this world. I try and try and try to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made. I try and forgive myself for letting Taylor die. I try to let myself know that things will be ok... but they wont. more and more.. I realise that maybe an easy life wasnt made for me. that maybe its time to give up... on myself...
What is actually scary... is that more and more, I find I am becoming numb to the sadness I have in this world. I am sad. I am not ok. I am not cut out for a life that feeds me the horrible truth of humanity. To cry every night IS NOT ok. I just want everyone to be happy.. let them know I love them. i just want to be the one that gives them happiness. That iis all that I ask of this world... of this hopeless life.... is to give something to someone... give hope... happiness or something that is worth telling myself I am needed....
What do I tell myself?
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2 comments:
Its not ur mistake at all..u just loved him by heart..n thats not a mistake..
Its just that u r feeling lonely n considering urself guilty 4 all that happened...dont b..
I 2 had made mistakes n i regret it...but wotever happed was not entirely my mistake n y i would feel low...y i would not enjoy my life..if others selfishly doing it..
FRIEND
Sometimes you have to let go.... Taylor loved all of us, he's in a better place now. (hard to imagine or accept I know) But what I DO know is that he is probably in heavan right now, crying because you are crying. He would not want you to lead this sad contemplating life... he would want you to carry his spirit with you and behold all the joys that are yet to come. He still shares all of these with you, through the heart. It important to remember that as the times change, people change, and needs change. It is a big scary world out there. But as viktor frankl would say "Man is capable of changing the world for the better if possible, and of changing himself for the better is necessary" FIRSTLY you could try to change this world, but it would cause you all the more heartache then you already are feeling. SECONDLY, It is not necessary for you to change Krysta, you have the biggest heart in the world and it kills me. Its ok to wear your heart on your sleeve, but sometimes it leave you vulnerable. as Theodore Roethke would say "Love is not Love, until Love is Vulnerable" - I love you, dont ever change, but do cheer up and smile the day away!!!! Low and behold you dont know what your future has in store for you! :)
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