So I am here thinking again. About my future, my life, my everything. At this point in my life I CAN say that I feel a little bit of accomplishment. I mean, I have done a lot and dealt with A LOT these couple of years. One being that I moved away from the only people that love me, my family. I moved away from my friends and tried to develop a NEW life. A life where I am independant. I know to most people this is not a big thing but really it is. Paying for everything by myself. Of course my parents help out sometimes... but no.. I have worked for everything I have and own. Going to school right now is HARD... not Just because it is difficult in school work wise... but because I am not THERE... meaning Im just in a land where I am thinking..ALL OF THE TIME.... thinking about my life and its meaning... about my relevance. I have a lot to offer to people. I have a lot I wish I could give right now... yet here I am telling all of you that, really, for once.... I CANT GIVE ANYMORE... Im not going to ramble on about my problems or the things that happened to me this year..... what I will say is things that happen in life .. sometimes aren't fair.... and I cannot help but concintrate on this unfair life.... Its not ONE thiing... its many... of course they all happened at once... and finding a way to dig myself out is hard.... finding a way to challenge this is unbearable...
Some people think I am screwed up... some people think I hold too much in... some people think I dont have a grasp on life.
But what I have to say is... SOME PEOPLE AREN'T IN MY LIFE.. IN MY HEAD..... so tehy dont have a right to say that. To teh people I do talk to...... they know most of me..... they know I have my problems.. and that I don't liek to talk about those problems.... because to be honest.... to be able to talk about them... you have to be comfortable... and I really havent been comfortable with ANYONE yet....
You know... I wish I could forgive people..... forgive the things that people have done to me.... just leave it all behind.. but something instead of me has soo much hate... and I wish I didnt have taht hate.... but I do....
The crazy thing is...... If you know me well...... Well then you know.. that I forgive TOO much and that I TRUST tooo much... and so for me to hate with all that I have... really takes a lot...... but you know.... I am a person who DOES forgive...but all I need is something to show me they deserve that.... I DONNO... I donno what I am saying...
Today.... I am looking at my past thinking... where? where did it all goo? passion? love? greatness? Of course I still have passion... I have passions... if you have a deep conversation with me you will see that.... I think A LOT... about great and wonderful things......... but Im not talking about dreaming or thinking... Im talking about reality..... when ae we ever going to live in reality... and face sorrow in the face and live life to teh fullest....
Well taht is all for tonight... I know.. its a lot to read.....
But I guess I hope you all have a GREAT sleep.. and an awesome week :)
Love yas
LIVE LIFE FOR YOU
Krysta
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