Where did it all go?

I just watched "Stand by Me". Its a good movie. But It got me thinking about friends and how much things have changed for me. Just last week I told a story about how my brother and my friend Josh and I ran away when we were 5 or 6, into the woods. You know that day I remember feeling like I could acomplish anything, that I could go anywhere and people would admire me. I remember thinking this world had so much to offer. When, when did I stop thinking I could do everything? When did I give myself limits? I remember thinking I was brave and I remember the forest looked soo big and soo different. Today, I look at that same forest and think nothing of it. I see a forest, I dont see adventure.
Friends. I can name who my best friends were each year of my life, but what is sad is not one of them is really my best friend now. Times change soo much. I remember once I was told, "If you have three friends that are true throughout your whole life, then you are lucky" I thought I had those three friends mapped out. I thought that I could pick and choose where my life goes.In reality, I can't, not one bit, not one way, my life is moving in all different directions.
High school. It was great. Well most of it. The beginning of it was horrible. I was mixed up just like I am now. And the truth is someone saved me from my feelings. I thought this person was my dream come true. It was the best feeling in the whole entire world. I was stuck in a bubble thinking it would never pop. No one could take away my happiness. I always smiled. This person made me feel like a perfect girl, beautiful, and in everyway, a princess. When I look back on high school, I think WOW those were the best days of my life. I thought no one could take that from me. I can look back and idol the happiness I had.
College. I realised that happiness can be taken away from me. It was taken by the same person who gave it to me. Its funny how life works. Looking at most things realising that nothing in my life is good.Ya. Im finding out who I am. That I like writing (when im not being forced). The truth is that I have been more unhappy then anytime in my life. My feelings are being twisted in every direction possible. Loving my family more then I ever have. Finding out that they are the most important people in your life and that you can't take that forgranted. It hits me hard. Most of the friends in College are not really friends. They hurt you. They take advantage of who you are as a person and they make you think that you are not enough. I feel as though I am not enough. That people dont appreciate me. Even though i appreciate every person in my life. Its hard to understand what I am suppose to do. There is only ONE thing in my life right now that is screaming ADVENTURE. Australia. I said I'd do it and I will... or ILL TRY!!.. I wrote some letters to companies looking for sponsors. I figure if I can do this. If I can have strength to leave then Ill feeling like I started over. Like Im back in that forest looking for paths to adventure. You never know what might happen. I think that is the best part about it. YOU never know.. I could love it there and not come back. I could meet GREAT friends. I could come back happy in every way. I could learn how my life is suppose to play out.
One memory this year pops out. ANd I love it. When AImee and I ran in the rain. That was a great day!! That was a day where I didnt care about anything. That was a day where I was a kid again. And it was nice to have someone be a kid with me.
The only goal I have for my life is to LIVE IT!!!!
ONE DAY IT'LL ALL WORK OUT RIGHT. It'll be ok in the end, if its not ok, its not the end.
krysta